Panic and New Paintings

I started my day with a panic attack that seemed like it lasted an eternity. I got myself calmed down and two hours later, WHAM! Another one. The last one was triggered by hunger pangs that sparked memories of an eating disorder I’ve sustained off and on throughout most of my life. Where did any of this come from? My god, I don’t know why I’m so fragile right now. Ugh. It’s exhausting.

I put on clothes, went to the art store, and I bought some 3D canvases and made these:

You can see more shots in my¬†Etsy shop, if you’re interested. The pink one is my fave. I’m on a pink jag at the moment. Space, too.

Painting calmed me down. I attempted a self portrait, which was awful, but playing with paint sure turned my day around. Im covered in pink and Prussian blue now!

I Quit My Job.

It was so worth it. I can tell my mental health is improving greatly. I don’t have a sense of dread at 2pm any more. I don’t cry in the mornings when I wake up. I’m trying to find another job, but I also don’t want to take the first thing that comes along.

In the time I’m not job-hunting, cleaning, working out, or relaxing, I’ve been painting! I’m on a miniature painting kick at the moment.

Painting in miniature is so much harder than painting a standard-sized canvas. You have less wiggle room, if that makes sense. You also need a really great set of detail brushes to do anything.

Saturn

Miniature Saturn Painting on 2.5″ x 2.5″ Canvas

I’m on this Sci-fi kick with the books I’m reading. I’m reading Seveneves by Neal Stephenson and War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells at the same time, so I constantly have thoughts of space travel swimming around in the old noggin.

tiny2

2″ x 2″ Miniature Night Sky Landscape Painting

I think I find that the smaller paintings are a little more panic-inducing than the larger ones. I feel more relaxed and comfortable if I have room to make mistakes and then fix them.

canopy

18in x 24in “Canopy”

It feels good to be so relaxed.