Just for curiosity’s sake:

  1. What assumptions do people make about you based on your appearance, and
  2. How do you know that these assumptions are made?

I imagine my brain like a spinning roulette board, and each little slot thingy is a random thought that I’ve had. Today, the needle stopped on “Your friends think you’re a b*tch under all of the goofy.”. Why am I thinking this and why does it bother me so much?

I think it’s because I classify myself as a “goofball”. I am a sillyheart. Under the depression, there is a Pippi Longstocking-type character in there. However, I have certain physical traits that lead those around me to believe I am the opposite.

I have resting “b*tch” face. I don’t like when women call women “b*tches” for fun. I feel like it’s degrading and trashy, so naturally this term rubs me the wrong way. Anyway, my resting face isn’t even mean. I don’t don’t have invisible staples in my mouth that cause me to smile all of the time (which seems disingenuous to me, there is my own assumption). I’ve been labeled as “hard to read”, “stuck up”, and “rude” just because of the way my face is. High cheekbones, sad eyes, crooked mouth. I would change it too, guys. I hate that people mention it like I’m proud of it. They are completely unaware that what they’re doing is making fun of my appearance and that it might hurt me.

I feel alienated and distant from many of my friends because they consider themselves “feminists”. They treat me like I’m a cog in the machine of the misogynist agenda because I am petite and “can’t relate” to what it’s like to be a “fat woman”. No. You’re right. I can’t. But I can relate to being a woman, and I can sympathize with the FA movement as somebody who feels the pressure to be thin so much that I’m willing to deprive myself vital nutrients. Why is it different, because I’m not heavy? Why can’t I be angry about fat hate also? Because I’m not fat? I hate racism, but I’m not a person of color. I have homophobia, but I’m not homosexual. Why is this any different? Because it’s more personal for you?

It hurts.


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